It’s supposed to be okay.

December 23, 2010 at 9:16 AM (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

(I know I haven’t been here in awhile.  Crisis management has my full attention, and will for the next three months or so…)

It’s supposed to be okay.

It’s important that I’m quite clear on this:

I am really grateful to have a PCA working for me.  Showers, shoes, cleaning, laundry…I’m amazed that this has finally come through.  And, for my first time being a de facto “boss” we’re doing quite well.  She knows what she’s doing and she’s friendly. We get along as people too, it’s not merely a cordial, professional relationship.

I’m also living in the cleanest house in the world now, except for the permanently destroyed dog-carpet.  I haven’t lived in this clean a house since…since (Oh, alright, I’ll say it)  since I lived with my parents.  She also cooks, and I am pleased to be able to eat some veggies that I like (finally).  My roommate’s tastes ran the kitchen, and we have very few things we can both agree to get cooked.

And,  it’s supposed to be more than ok when a person with disabilities *finally* gets these supports after a long wait. (The well known activist Nick Dupree comes to mind.  Google the name.) It’s something to cheer over.

Maybe part of this next paragraph is because I’m an only child and never loved sharing or that euphemistic sappy thing they say today “…plays well with others.”   I find a tiny part of me says (Inside my head): “No it’s not completely ok.” I have this contractor in my house.  In my personal space.  They have a list.  They’re doing it.  Since they food shop and prescription pickup, I have to give them minor access to my resources.  (She’s been completely trustworthy.) They have to handle getting me in and out of the shower.  I make a great effort to maintain some modesty…because I need that dignity for as long as I stay at this level of function.  They have always said they’re ok if I’m not fussy about that and just get in the shower…but I have to maintain some dignity.  There are a sh!tload of other things stressing me out, and the modesty matters.

I’m really looking forward to accessible housing, because the need for much of this will dissapear.

Until then, I’m lucky to have the help, and I know it.

Permalink 1 Comment

Yes, it *does* take that long….

July 20, 2008 at 11:46 AM (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

There’s the thing.  Or several things, it doesn’t matter.  That set of things that you can *do,* but the time you take to do them is foreign and frustrating to that able bodied friend, family member, or relative, or even the paid PCA types.

Some of us just want to go ahead and do the thing, even if it takes us four hours to the able bodied’s two.

But, the able, in their mounting frustration, just won’t allow it.

Their brain is thinking, “My-gods-I could-do-this-quicker-and-she-just-tried-for-a-third-go-round-to pull-the-last-pair-of-trousers-out-of-the-washtub…I’LL JUST *DO* IT!”

And then, just a splash of resentment, not much, because somewhere in their brains this has morphed into something they were *forced* to do….

And when we’re tired ourselves, we may not even do the thing, just ask that someone else do it, and then the level of resentment quadruples, understandably.

One thing that I try to do if I see someone has done for me unasked…make sure I thank them, and admit where it helps.

It has nothing to do with my physical limits then, it’s just (In my opinion) common courtesy to recognize a good thing….

Permalink 2 Comments