Adrift…

January 25, 2010 at 1:35 AM (Uncategorized) (, , , )

I could be forced to relocate by March first
The details are irrelevant.
I’m immobilized by that fact. I can’t sort paperwork that needs sorting, I have to remind myself to eat…and take meds, which, yes I have been doing.

I’m deeply depressed, but I don’t think the world at large needs to think this depression would lead to something irrevocable. I don’t think I’ll ever wrestle with what the pro’s call ‘suicidal ideation,’ again…

Because there was a previous time of deep depression when the shrinks felt that, being forced to immobility in a bed and having my wheelchair taken away (because they thought I might ‘harm myself’ with it….) was necessary.

[as if they had decided about an able-bodied patient Take away her ‘legs,’ her mobility, Doctor. That will certainly improve her mood.] NOT.

Ten hours catheterized and unable to move…that’s worse than anything I can think of.
So I’ll still be around…

I’m unable to leave the state, but don’t know where I’ll be living, either by March 1 or the end of this lease in September.

I just want to be left alone with a roof over my head….so that I can write in between bouts of depression, anxiety, and gut trouble.

Apparently that’s going to be hard to manage.

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