I’m feeling like I lost a fight today. it’s a fight that’s been going on for more than two years. a person I know not an acquaintance not a friend certainly but a person I know has been trying to reset their life when it became obvious that the family member who had been their caregiver for going on 60 years was no longer able to care for them due to their own advancing age and various other health issues. I gave advocacy numbers and other organizations found them advocacy numbers I gave them ideas as to where to seek help legally financially and regarding their disability. Some of those ideas worked some didn’t. There was a lot of balking and false starts. There were outside influences that I could do nothing about and that he could do nothing about. even with that though the fact of the matter is that someone close to him a relative a family member or friend should have helped him start thinking about this years and years ago. And primarily because he’s not the easiest person to get along with… And because it’s such a complicated daunting process. he is not going to get home care in the home he is going into a facility tonight.
I am no longer remotely close to him, and yet I feel that I have lost a fight.
In the simplest terms I have been trying to keep another disabled person from having to go into a facility, & I failed at that. It’s not just me who failed any and all advocates that could really do a lot more who he contacted that were in his city, in his county, in his state also failed him with many more resources and much more time and ability at their disposal. So the system failed him too.
Last thing I’m going to say I just feel is important I don’t know if any other person with disabilities who ends up reading this is actually in the state of mind or in this stage of their disability or will ever be so, because they have had the good sense to do a little more planning than this gentleman did.
If a family member is your primary caregiver now make a specific plan as to when and how you will begin to transition to professional home health care if needed. Investigate it as if you needed it right now to figure out what agencies, people or facilities you might need. If at all possible do not let a sudden shift in circumstances leaves you vulnerable or dictate a choice between two bad choices. because that’s where he is right now. I never want to see or hear of another disabled person having to go through what he’s going through right now. I know I will hear the stories and probably be one myself at some point I just hope there are fewer of them.