May 15, 2014 at 6:46 PM (Uncategorized)

Dear sweet devout religious person with whom I had a discussion today.

There is a simple answer to your question regarding Ephesians 5 and its verses of submission.

And there is a complicated answer.

When I was married there was always a tension between how my husband interpreted  these verses and how I did. That translated into some of the tensions in the relationship. It was an ongoing problem. I think there were two principle reasons for that. 1 my husband was raised in a conservative evangelical household. Their interpretation of those verses meant the men ran the show.

So, that meant my husband acted upon what he’d been taught.

And 2 he ran up against a brick wall. Because submission, subjection, however you translate the term is not in my nature. In the household I grew up in, religion played no part. Parental role playing was chaotic and uncertain on one side and pretty darn unyielding  on the other.  I had very few models  growing up of people that I respected enough to submit to.  So submission was not in my nature. It is still not in my nature.  Negotiation, yes.
sacrifice yes,  loyalty yes. Fidelity yes. but not submission. You see that assumes that the party you submit to  will always know what they’re doing and always do what’s best for you and for them.

I feel badly for men in one respect: that’s an almost impossible standard to live up to.

I did not do it then and I would not do it now . It’s one of the many reasons I don’t date anymore and you asked me why I didn’t since you think I should in order to have someone to take care of me.. Since I know that most husbands love their wives I think the institution of marriage will survive  my not getting involved in it a second time.

But I think it is a great institution and should be attempted by good hearted people who want to do something great in this world while at the same time being desperately in love. I can do all those other things mentioned above, but the s word is beyond me.

So sweet religious person thank you for the concern. I have a faith too.  God, I can submit to. Man, not so much.


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