It’s odd.

May 1, 2014 at 10:56 AM (Uncategorized)

I am presently grieving the loss of my house. ( there is a chance that I will keep it but that is small and fading fast.) Why would you grieve a living space that you don’t even own?  A tiny apartment soon to be occupied by someone else, and occupied by someone else before you?

Because it was the first place that was mine in a long long time. I had not lived alone since 1999, and I found I missed it. Managing everything for myself without a roommate to interfere. Controlling what was done there. How things were cleaned when and what was cooked and why who to invite and who not . Control over the basic functions of one’s life, very basic.  

Plus all the other things I miss about the neighborhood that I listed in a previous post. But no one can be where they want to be all the time.

The strangest thing that I’ve discovered about the present experience and I didn’t expect. Is that my family as loving and as close as they are appear to be in denial about the way I have to do things now.  There is also the list of things that I cannot do at all anymore that I could do prior to December, prior to the cellulitis trying to kill me and failing … and leaving some nasty consolation prizes  its wake.

I wish I could tell them to stop. Stop lying to themselves. Meet me where I am now, not where I used to be.  Some of that I’ll is so great that it is impeding financial things that need to be done.

I fear having to be too forceful with these things with my maternal parent because it will not intersect well with her present state but where her procrastination intersects with my financial sanity I have to fight for my own ground.


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