A late Easter thing

April 21, 2014 at 6:59 AM (Uncategorized)

Faith is what it is, the leap into non reason . Are we wrong to make that jump? Probably. Science ,which I love, leaves very little room for this, aside from a fairly rigorously done study on effects of prayer on patients.

Another reason to put that belief system down is  the horrid  abuses that can occur in most belief systems. Sometimes it seems that religion can be used almost as often for evil is it can be for good.

There was a time when I could be counted on to be a fairly relaxed agnostic. I was okay with  the existence of a God but the rest of it I didn’t want anything to do with.

And that and atheism, are completely valid places to be for anyone else besides me who decides to want to be there. And I was there for a long time.

Even 20 years ago when I saw someone pull off the suffering servant thing right before my eyes. That was not enough to keep me in a pew. Playing out as  human experience the idea that you are sworn to God not just as a believer but as a leader and  it didn’t affect your destiny at all. A long painful death by inches is what you had in the cards and that is what you got.

The very human fallout from that is part of what made me flee organized religion.

( but somebody else pulled off that suffering servant thing too. Oh wait. Who was that? I know, Jesus.)

I can’t dismiss faith anymore for various reasons. One of them perhaps the most important and persistent :
( and lets not count for 2 times in my life when I was made medically crazy by drugs) , I’ve had flashes of something else or someplace else that isn’t here.  it isn’t the observable quantifiable fact checked present. I’ve had these flashes when young and a lesser amount of time as I’ve grown older.

Atheists can certainly laugh this off as a side effect of incipient mental health issues or my unadjusted cerebral palsy brain. I cannot.

And secondly: the fact that I am now hanging on to religion  with both hands, grasping at faith as if it were the only tool the toolbox is unsurprising given that I’m in a nursing home waiting for my body to decide if it’s ever really  going to let me out again.   The subtext being that I would never have gone back into the house of God much less embraced faith  sincerely unless I had been ill or impaired in some way.
Um, no. Not quite.It’s important to know that I chose to return to faith  while I was still working still holding down a job like you able bodied people.  So the argument that I only chose it because of my illnesses doesn’t quite hold water.

The biggest difficulty and embracing it hasn’t been my love of reason and facts because I don’t see any problem with God coexisting with those things other people do I don’t.

(Aside: God made physics, chemistry, biology, medicine , archaeology science of all sorts morons, so quit hating on science and go home and go to bed .

  All of their findings including findings that deny him.  are things he built!  Life is complicated, science haters. Embrace the complexity, children. Take my word. God will love you better for it. The easiest part about returning was a simple need for community , some experience I could have with others and share with others that would bolster me up that makes me feel a little safer in the world as I go about my daily affairs.

The second I’ve talked about before: two friends who happened to be Catholic and who showed me nothing but mercy all the way along as I made mistakes.

That, and the pastoral side of John Paul the second, and the courage of how he lived out his own death. Some of his encyclicals make me twitchy. However his life did not.

(Aside Two. I find Pope Francis present pretty darn awesome, even as I find his past troubling.)

The hardest thing was changing a long standing rule that I have in my life .  I make myself second to nobody, not for any reason. I don’t place myself behind them or beneath then for any reason. Next to them yes, to help some if I can.
So putting myself in a place where I acknowledge a higher authority and subject myself to it was difficult at work and nearly impossible any other place.

What anybody knows, believer or not, is  if you embrace Christianity you have to assume that not only is there a God, but that he expects some fealty,  a little bit of allegiance.
So now, yes there is one being I will reverence.  Only one. That was the beginning of it.

Part of the reason I can do it has nothing to do with a squishy Easter morning happiness at the resurrection: the open door, the meeting on the road, the understanding yes one’s teacher one’s mentor, one’s Messiah has crossed  over and you can too. It’s not that at all. That’s a little too The Learning Channel as constituted today, for me to hang my hat on as the reason I came back to Christianity in any form.

It is much more Gethsemene than glory that pulled me back in. The image of a very human man, pleading to be spared suffering.  He went through death not completely certain that the Father’s promise would play out. He submitted to it said:  God’s will be done, but he wasn’t sure. 

It’s that very uncertainty , that brought me in, sat me down and started me on a journey back to faith. I don’t need to be certain. I just need to be there , all in and in it for the long haul.

Aside Three. this Android app sucks because I took the trouble to place paragraphs and colons in all these paragraphs and Android won’t do it Pfui.)

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