Old rules.

April 19, 2014 at 7:28 PM (Uncategorized)

Mostly I’m not fond of the old rules. A lot of them limit, oppress, or otherwise harm people trying to get along in life.
      There is one of the old rules I like and I actually enjoy following. That rule:  when someone is gracious enough to invite you into their home you try very hard to be courteous and kind and express your gratitude to your host or hostess. If you don’t you are out of line .
I would expect such a person to be kindly asked to leave or thrown out depending on the nature of the violation  of  said old rule.  I like that old rule  because it implies a reciprocity and an appreciation of community and fellowship.

A very different old rule was applied to me today and I didn’t like it much.

I distrust the other old rules. Today I was rather astonished and angry to have one of them played on me.

     “You should be grateful,” the family member said, “…grateful that there are people there to take care of you. Make sure to keep your place and mind your manners.”

At first I thought the wording and the intent was a joke so I asked about that but no they were completely serious.

I say thank you to my caregivers nearly everytime I see them. I try to be very kind, positive and  entertaining. There are times when I get sad when they’re there, and then they have to be a little understanding but so far that’s worked out.

But to be told to keep my place as if, because of my illness I have become some sort of *servant* or* lackey*,  or another similar word I won’t use.  That ain’t me
*ever.* Keep my* place!* *mind my manners?*   Growl. Spit. Fume. 

Okay, where the fuck am I really, some Victorian novel?

I think I ‘m devalued enough without those words. I live in a box of a room. I will soon have a neighbor returning home from a  hospital stay that will share this box with me.

I know that quadriplegics and paraplegics often have to come to terms with the kind of caregiving I have to receive now the personal care that is so basic. But I’m new at it and not adjusting very well to it.

So, having someone choose to speak of one of those old rules about how  persons with disabilities should behave, as if it were  good advice… No.

I have to try hard not to fall into that lesser space. I sure as sh!t don’t need a push.

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