Pushing a rock uphill

March 30, 2014 at 12:46 AM (Uncategorized)

Now that I’m more aware of a bit of a clock ticking that comes up more, time line is  apparent to me.

A good thing about this is that I know I still have a good deal in the way  of advice and explanation that needs to be said or written. The bad thing is that I know at the other end of this there will be so much left unsaid.


The inner conscience, that tries to put the brakes of my chattering, my regrettable high verbal overdrive or the inevitable repetition ofa story heard before … says… “you can’t t fix them all, you can’t help them all, they may have heard this story before why do you do this?”

First I can’t work a real job anymore, so what do I contribute?

Second at this age, middle age, I have some advice to give that is of value either directly or indirectly through story.

Third:  I cannot ‘fix’ the ilness that put me on a time clock.   I cannot fix anyone else’s troubles either.  Because of that, I have a compulsion to give the right advice to as many as I can,  in order that as many as possible benefit. ( after asking permission and couch it in such a way that they don’t burst out with” Yeah well who asked you witch?!”, or something similar.)

then there are days like today when I discovered that someone I value even though I haven’t known them  for a long time  has taken a position that will hasten death rather than listen to what I have to say. It is their business of course, but I admit to disbelieving that they will  not even use available tools  to track their demise. Just to track it.  Not intervene in any way just track it.

They have decided to watch that wrong train go off the tracks and do nothing to stop it.

It is at these  times I get the sense that my life experience means nothing, that any knowledge   I might have is worthless.

That passes,  of course.

but it simply deepens the grooves of that record I keep playing (oh, I mean that downloaded  music I keep rerunning.)



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