Inclusion
so. its high school. My friends and I are sitting around at my house debating what to do that night it was a group of at least four people and probably more.
My best friend at the time came up with an idea, “Let’s go roller skating!”
I raised my hand and said rather sarcastically, “Hello, I can’t do that,” and she got this look and burst out laughing, “Oh my gosh, I forgot! I forgot you couldn’t do that!” They hadn’t made me invisible or forgotten I was there, they had simply forgotten my disability for a moment. we went off to do something I could do and I appreciated that very much.
my best friend of those days and I aren’t speaking anymore and that’s a good thing for me for reasons that have nothing to do with this post.but I want to give her credit for having a very involved idea and a very young age that disability is something to be included not excluded.
the only thing I feel bad about looking back to those days since I’m much much older now is this: Did my group of friends miss out on things they would have rather done that were more physically involving like sports or going hiking in a park because I couldn’t do those things? I wonder about that because I didn’t have the self will at the time to ask them did you ever get to do those other things the roller skating the hiking perhaps at a different day and time when I wasn’t around or I wasn’t interested so that you could go do them and not miss out. I hope so. Because during those days, everyone should get to do the things they want to do.
Midlife And Treachery 
Ann Kilter said,
March 20, 2014 at 10:21 PM
Congratulations to your friends for thinking of you so kindly. You bring up a good point. However, balance is good going forward. Don’t focusvtoo much on regret … that might reduce the value of their thoughtfulness.
Anonymous said,
March 21, 2014 at 9:53 AM
As a member of the aforementioned group, we just liked being around each other and that included AND still does, YOU! None of us we were remotely athletic, nor remotely cared to be. Why do you think we sat around, went to the movies, ate pizza and played the Batman theme song over and over? You mention the word disability, and I think we each had our own, just some less visible than others. To answer your question, I don’t think anybody ever didn’t get to do what they wanted to when they were with this group, nor ever felt like they got gipped. Heck, we were just the land of misfit toys, aspiring to be “stooped” and make each other laugh! Laughter was the inroad into connecting to who we were and are and that’s what we all loved doing. Yeah, many of us have gone in different directions and do not stay connected as we once did… but hey, I DO believe those experiences helped us all shape us to be the better selves that we’ve become. Sure, we mourned many losses, and in spite of them; maybe because of them, we have also grown to pursue and chase some dreams, too… As far as roller skating, that was NOT your gig, as you were always a dancer, whether your feel your feet cooperated or not! The heart and mind can still sing and dance in the soul, even when the physical realm is less than cooperative! You showed me that… Peace and pizza. Okay, old habits DO die hard! BTW, the tab is STILL running… How could I not throw that in.
John Gruver said,
March 21, 2014 at 12:36 PM
First off, I’m glad you’re posting again! I was getting worried about you.
To the main point, I don’t think you need to worry very much about whether your friends got to do what they wanted to do when the friend with a disability was part of the crowd–what friends want to do, primarily, is have fun with their friends. That’s why they’re friends: in “enjoy an activity together”, “activity” takes a definite backseat to “together”. It’s the same thing with friends of differential socioeconomic status–I’d rather do something for free with a friend who’s broke than go do something pricy by myself.
And as you point out, your friends had the opportunity to do physically demanding things when you were otherwise occupied…but I bet they’d all say that having you along was more important than any given activity. In fact, you can be sure of that because nobody got into a pout when you pointed out that you couldn’t roller-skate with them; they just chose another thing that could include you.
imfunny2 said,
March 22, 2014 at 6:30 PM
illohn I was getting worried about you too because I hadn’t seen your remarks in awhile in one place to another good to hear from you and I’m surprised this post has gotten a response that it did I will be blogging about other things once I get home.