Asking permission

July 29, 2013 at 7:21 PM (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

I am fifty one years old with a masters degree and still in possession of all of my faculties.

This rant has been brewing for awhile so have patience with me.

Caveat:  I am grateful to have the care under Medicaid that allows me to stay in my home.  [This does not mean that I am unaware that Medicaid is the king of dumb@ss rules.]

My mom called Sunday night and asked if I might like to visit her  home on Tuesday.  It’s a treat to go back to their place with a sunny deck and flowers and amazing clocks everywhere in the house.  I had no doctors appointments that day, so I said yes.

Since that will necessitate both my Meals on Wheels stuff stopping temporarily (Every other Tuesday is my delivery day)  So I called the company and they said “I’m going to try to stop it but I have to ask you caseworker first,” Blink…stare at the phone…Blink again. “Ok.”   So they called my caseworker, my caseworker called me to confirm, I said yes it was only to stop the delivery for this one week…she said ok, she’d tell the Meals on Wheels people to stop tomorrows’ delivery.

Then, there was my nurse, an amiable person whom I get on with quite well.  I called my agency and advised I would not want her to come tomorrow, because her time conflicted with my departure time.

I was advised that since my doctor had prescribed the lymphedema pump for me daily, that only a nurse could operate for me, (eyeroll, it’s really hideously simple, a monkey could do it, but it’s one of those Medicaid dumbrules)  this could cause a problem, and that “we don’t want to give the impression that you don’t need service.”   Other things were discussed and I advised I would be happy to clarify with my physician next time I see them what I should do if a conflict like this occurs again

Very reasonably I said, “Generally when one’s parents ask to have one visit…well you go.  That’s how this works. ” The agency agreed to my call off, but seemed concerned…and it felt very much in both cases that I was having to *ask permission,* to see my own parents.

I am a grownup.  I have mild depression/anxiety that I handle with medication. I am competent at this time.

I feel quite strongly that no one who is in my situation or a similar one who is otherwise competent absolutely should  have to ask permission to see  family…Living in the community means doing just that.  Other times I’ve been able to adjust the time and keep the visit, but I did not know when I would be returning…I am not twelve.  Even when I was *married* there was much less checking with the other occupant of the household “Is it ok if I?”  (Perhaps it’s why we sounded like the Honeymooners most of the time, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.]

Dignity and respect are what  I have been getting from my nurse and my aide…but I’m insisting on a broader dimension to this.  Where possible and prudent, respect my competency to manage my own affairs, and a small stay in my plan of care should not worry or discomfit the administrative staff of such a plan.





  1. mariarastagrrl said,

    Wait till medicaid gets the varience report from your homecare provider. the rules are very stringent and if you can travel except to doctors appts it may cancel your homecare entirely. one missed visit form isnt too much of a deal but the idea that you go somewhere besides the doctors sets off alarm bells at medicaid.. for some reason they will consider that you are not homebound. when i was a homecare nurse i would just make something up because it is a terrible rule! however nurses are bound by the agency and can get fired for this and agencies can be accused of fraud as well. its a crazy system.. welcome to it!.. im on the other side of the table now.. being disabled.. i cant seem to get services or offically disabled SMH trying to get an online support system here. love your honesty..

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