I am not a mind reader.

March 19, 2013 at 1:42 PM (Uncategorized)

One of my many weaknesses, is that I have a big mouth.  And that big mouth often gets me in trouble.

I would have thought ‘shunning’ went out when I graduated high school (or at least by God college) but there’ve been times in my fairly recent past when I said or did the wrong thing, but did not know it…then all of a sudden.  Shunned.  Not spoken to, abruptly by someone who I considered a friend.   And, by the ‘set’ of friends of theirs, by association.  The word has been passed.  I become persona non grata.  I mean I’m fifty one, that might mean that me and a majority of those I associate with are considered adults.

And honestly, I have said some stupid, offensive shyte in my time.   If I realize that it is in fact offensive, I ha or am told right at the time that “hey that was _______I’ve now learned to do the civilian version of the walkback…and fix it right there.

But there’s that lesser category of “I’ve offended you, and you think I am absolutely in the know that I’ve done it, but I actually have no freaking clue what I did.  I can tell they’re angry, but have no idea why….has happened about five times over my adult life.   So there’s never the conversation.  You decide I’m not worth your time and go on your merry way, but when if we run into each other, the awkward silence continues.

It’s only irritating when it’s three dimensional.  When a celebrity or a friend blocks my email or blocks me on social networking, I kinda shrug and move on.

And, I’ve seen grudges like these held for eight years or more…so I know we won’t be speaking again, ever. But if I literally don’t *know* what it was that I said that offended you…I have no chance to make amends, to examine what I said or did that peeved the person out.  A former friend of mine finally did that, and still wants nothing to do with me ever, but I’m incredibly grateful that I now understand why they’re pissed.  It’s a learning curve for me so I don’t pull the same insensitive crap again.  In other words by explaining to my clueless self why you’re mad, you’re saving another friendship of mine down the line, even if the present one is completely trashed.

One of my strengths is, that *when it is pointed out to me* I get that I’ve offended, and genuinely try to make it right.   This has been a learned behavior over time, a skill I have now, that I didn’t always have.

And it just drives me nuts when I’m not given one last opportunity to fix it….Even if  there’s really no way to do so.  I don’t obsess over the friendship itself, I don’t pine away for it (gag), but there’s that little annoying bee in my head that keeps buzzing….”What the hell did I *do?*”

I do have one former friendship where I’m the one that initiated the not speaking, but *before* I did that…I let them know why.  In no uncertain terms.

Because, like I said I have a big mouth.

 

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1 Comment

  1. Glynis Jolly said,

    I don’t grace you blog as often as I should. Recently things have changed so I will be reading more of your posts again. I have found you to have your own opinions but I can’t understand why anyone would get pissed off. So I don’t think like you on everything — that’s what brings me to your blog in the first place.

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