My atheist friends aren’t going to like this one…

February 17, 2011 at 2:45 AM (Uncategorized)

But at least there will be no  evangelism, speaking in tongues, or tent meetings here.  Why people think they can, or should push their beliefs on others makes me shake my head.

My apologies.  This is just full of personal crap.  It will not be well written.

Since my conversion to Roman Catholicism in 2009, there’s been concern expressed that I’ve turned off my brain to do this.

I don’t know how to explain that one can be a practicing Catholic and keep one’s intellect.  At least  I can.

There are doctrines and history past and present  that trouble me mightily.  I’m not stupid.

I get things quoted at me all the time:

Marx: ” Religion is the opiate of the people.”

Heinlein: “Religion is a crutch.”

Well, boys, sometimes drugs and mobility aids are necessary.  Did either of you freaked out old guys have to use them?  I doubt it.

My new belief system tells me that it is my conscience I must look to for how I live my life.

Yay for my conscience.

Yay for the emphasis that all lives,  old people, and ugly people and poor people, and disabled people’s lives…are all sacred.  Value is not assigned by what you’ve done.  It’s a given because you’re around.

This  will be relevant later in the post….

Things are unraveling so damn quickly.

My power chair or it’s battery or charger is suddenly dysfunctional (I will call them later ‘today’)

My shrink gives me a med change now.  NOW?  When I have to sleep, because sleep, unlike food, is free and I don’t have to pay for it???

I would normally be screaming and shouting at the roommate about things too numerous to mention.  But I cannot use my truly Olympian “shouting while intellectual,”  skills, because:

1. I have to stay decent in order to get home, and 2. in order not to further push my skyrocketing blood pressure (this is not hyperbole 162 over something is not good Yes, I’m on high blood pressure meds)

3. because they’re possibly going to be homeless at the end of March, so no matter how badly things F-Up here for me, they have it worse.

And 4., there is a “no yelling” rule in this house that I have done my level best to keep.

And the drug, the one possible *answer* to my gut trouble, I *finally* have a physician willing to prescribe it!  It might give me back my outside life! Let me out of being shut at home for the last two years…!  I could maybe sing in public.  Go wait on a regular bus without trouble!  Have something stressful happen and not get physically ill over it…

And of course,

Medicare Part D.

Does. Not. Cover It.

It’d only be…yanno…

900 bucks a month.

I get 991.00 from SS.

I don’t have any fight left.

It’s  only partially self-inflicted, only partially my  fault that this is too much.

Do other people have this long list of challenges they’ve moved through in their lives and then they get to a particular point and say:

“Okay.  This is it.  Doing Life Correctly has just become too much.  Emotionally, I have a desire to figure out the most artful, interesting, rude, pushy way (in the way a Cubist painting of a building imploding might be interesting] to completely Self Destruct.

But nope.   There’s that pesky new belief system that tells me that my life is sacred.

Without my investment in that?

Here doesn’t look good.

 

Advertisements

2 Comments

  1. The other cuzz said,

    Aww cuzz you know my list is long and never ending as is your it seems. But take hear in knowing that you are not the only one. Head high wits about you voice com, breath in breath out.

  2. Glynis Jolly said,

    I understand about the no screaming policy but I think that’s what you need. Watch the movie “Castway”. Tom Hanks can teach you how to do it with style.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: