Fate is personal property. Hold on to it.

December 29, 2010 at 11:05 PM (Uncategorized)

I suppose earlier in my life it was okay to yak and angst angst angst about how other people’s characteristics and interactions adversely affected my life.

This’ll be a short one, but as 2010 wraps…

Ten to twenty years ago, I think that was something I needed to do, to bring these things to light. I had to stand up for myself, make boundaries and explain something of why these boundaries needed to be established.

Now, sneaking up on fifty ( ‘What fresh hell is this?’)  Fifty? My Gawd….

At fifty, you have to own your own life.  You can still admit these things affect you, either privately, pubically, in therapy, or print or stage or screen or blog… but good grief, you’re a whole entire person on your own now.

I’ve been trying, particularly in the past year, to pull away from the anguish producing questions my past is so full of…to leave them alone, because to some extent I’ve finished with them. (And also because my *present* is fairly situationally *screamingly f-d up* so I need to concentrate on fixing the now.)

I don’t *need* the answers to those questions anymore because I think I’ve got them.   And I don’t have this persistent jones I used to have, the need to hold the creators of those questions accountable, to intellectually pin them to a wall and force them to admit that my perception of the ‘truth’ of a given past has some merit, even if they disagree with it.  It’s ok if I never have those conversations.

I still have unresolved food addiction issues and other shortcomings I have a plan to address…but I believe I’ll have more space on my skull’s hard drive to deal with those two remaining troubling issues, since I’ve been able to archive a great many files about other stuff.

Don’t give too much control to the people and days and times that caused you pain.   Don’t let those things make up too much of your personal patchwork.

 

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1 Comment

  1. Attila the Mom said,

    Love those last two summary sentences. AMEN!

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