A quarter century ago…

August 21, 2010 at 1:02 PM (Autobiography, Disability) (, , , , , )

This was happening to me.  And this is what I think about it, with perspective.

It proves so many things.  That a fully fleshed out romantic relationship *is* possible for people with disabilities.

Again, that we’re people first.

That, some of the time, we hold down jobs, run a household, get married, hold off the inlaws…similar in many respects to the able bodied world…but our coping skills and abilities are profoundly different than the able’s.

And sometimes we don’t fcucking cope at all, and the able’s judgement of who we are can just go hang.

And the seemingly contradictory paradox, based on the whole relationship:

That I would never, ever want to go through the insanely rough times that followed after this again, and wouldn’t wish similar cirumstances on my worst enemy. And, frankly would avoid dating anybody, even that mythological perfect man, that was likely to have a long, slow medical nightmare of a downfall. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t hang in there.  Doesn’t mean all persons with disabilities are out of the running. Just that if the likelihood of a long slow downturn in a younger person exists, I’m bloody well not going to throw myself in front of that bullet.

This last sounds almost like a betrayal of others with chronic severe illness.  (Separate from disability) I can’t help that.

Also sounds like hypocrisy in a way because I am a cancer survivor, which unfortunately *does* make it more likely to recur than  someone who has never had cancer getting it in the first place…

Can’t help that either.  Those are my emotional/investiture boundaries now, and I’m sticking to them.

At the same time, with time passing, I wouldn’t have missed a moment of the good stuff, and the bad stuff did teach me some serious life lessons about sacrifice, and duty…and no, not just my own sacrifices…He took a long long road, and eventually learned and practiced adult sacrifice as well,   before he himself was sacrificed.

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