Disharmony

June 18, 2010 at 9:12 PM (Uncategorized) (, , , )

I’m having a quandary regarding a cousin’s future wedding. She has asked me to sing a wonderful ballad that was y used at my wedding. And I don’t think I can do it. I’ve tried to rehearse it and I always get the same results.

I have a slight weird post-traumatic stress  thing, which I have written about here before.

If I try singing vocal music of 1955 to 1993, it makes me choke up or cry.

I don’t want to cast any cloud over her day.

When I sing the songs of the fifties, I end up crying about my parents and what I perceive to be some serious wasted potential.

When I try to sing songs from the seventies and late sixties I cry about not being young anymore.

When I sing songs from the eighties up until 1993, the period during which I was married, my husband developed his terminal illness, I developed cancer and survived it and then he passed away, well that’s fairly self-explanatory.

I am going to ask her to try to find a song with a post 1993 copyright date because those don’t affect me . Or, something older, something from the swing big-band era because those don’t affect me either.  They remind me of my grandparents but in a non-upsetting sort of way. I’ve never discussed this particular aspect of my difficulties with her so she doesn’t know.

I really don’t want to upset her, but since she’s asked me to sing in front of a bunch of professional singer bridesmaids I want to do it. My competitive spirit is up and running. I want them to hear me sing. So I will probably ask her carefully how to do it.

Anyway the wedding’s close to a year away so there’s plenty of time to figure all of that out.

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