I wonder why…

February 5, 2010 at 9:56 PM (Uncategorized)

I’ve fallen so short….on the ‘adult’ meter.

I think it’s because I’ll never be a parent. I’ve not had that cosmic shift in worldview that comes with a baby, that visceral realization that your world has to now revolve around someone else’s needs for a good long while.

And my mother, who I have to measure myself up against…

By 47 she was handling multiple projects, working two jobs, and having a great second marriage, a spotless house, looked amazing…

And at 48…here I am, the unemployed disabled blogger.

I want some credit for my life experience, but I still seem way too emotionally dependent on my family of choice, and some members of my genetic family to actually be an adult…

Why?

I am a complete grownup by the calendar.

Yes, I’m lousy with money, or food…but that’s not the point. Plenty of adults can’t cope with money.

(Michael Jackson was ostensibly a grownup too and he died owing 500 million dollars.
Makes my financial bad choices look puny by comparison, so I’m not saying “I’m not grown up because I suck at money.)

I feel somewhat emotionally ‘arrested.’ as if I’d kinda stopped at 31…

I would like to grow up, and get the respect that my years would seem to confer on me…

I don’t know if I will though.

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