January 11th 1993

January 10, 2010 at 6:09 PM (Uncategorized) ()

It’s the small things.

Like the Sunday before.  When we didn’t know that he’d be gone by Monday at ten am.

I told my husband goodbye and I’d see him next Friday.

(long involved reasons that I was not where he was being cared for during the week omitted.)

My friend Pete had transport duty to bring me home to the apartment that night.

He also had a tape made about seven months prior.  The second to last Johnny Carson show in May 1992. He had Bette Midler on as a guest.  I’m a Bette Midler fan and he thought I’d like to see it.  She was funny and vulgar and vulnerable like she is.  It was a good bit of fluff. So, we watched it.

The song she sang at the end isn’t on YouTube due to copyright issues with the video…but here are some of the lyrics.

…To the end…of a sweet episode…
Make it one for my baby
And one more for the road.

And when I’m gloomy
you always listen to me
Until it’s talked away.

For all of the years
For the laughs for the tears
For the class that you showed.

Make it one for my baby
And one more for the road…
That long…long…road. *

It’s the small things.

Even when you’re twenty minutes late and your other half is truly gone.  Even though you have to go say goodbye to what was left, instead of the real man.

Even on that day, you can remember loving things that friends did for you.

While you’re shaking.

And making those phone calls…

There’s that phrase…”Is there anything I can do?”

It’s meant well, but in the first moments of grief you realize you’ll snap out something inappropriate, depending on the tone, and who is asking.  So, you politely say “No, not right now…”

Except.  When you call that friend that you know you can tell absolutely anything to, that hates commitment, but is a well of kindness and compassion and good advice…

It went kinda like this:

“He’s gone.  Just now. About an hour ago.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok.  We knew it was coming.  I just tell myself,  ‘Thank God.  He’s not hurting anymore. ”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Well, yes.  I’ve made four of these calls already, and I’m exhausted.  I need a few minutes break.  Or an hour break.  Can you call Pete for me? [our mutual bestest friend]

“Sure, yes I’d be glad to do that.”

“Thank you so much.  It’ll help.”

And from what I heard, my friend made the call and then at lunch, our friend Pete left his office building with his meal and stood outside, and saw…

That everyone was still moving.  Going on about their affairs as usual.

“Why haven’t they stopped,” he thought.   “Why isn’t the world at large taking any notice that my friend is gone..?”

It’s the small things that friends do, and the small moments of validation you get from them.

Friends make a deal of difference in this world.

And yes, sweetheart, it’s a long long road.  See you sometime again.

*lyrics from “One For My Baby,” by Johnny Mercer. No infringement intended or implied


1 Comment

  1. bridgett said,

    It seems both so long ago and a blink of an eye away. I’m at the age where time telescopes now and then.

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