Gone Missing

January 4, 2009 at 4:19 PM (Uncategorized) (, , )

Now I’m not speaking of people who clearly crossed the line from friend to vindictive enemy before I escaped from my association with them.  (two guys, no need to mention names)

Or a particularly userish sort of person from the Western Slope here in the Rockies…who never even realized she was a user….so best that we don’t communicate.

Or people who come in and out of my offline or online life because they’re crazy, busy overachievers.  Because *when* they come back in, we simply pick up where we left off.

I’m speaking of one good friend from long ago and another more recent…

who just…went missing.

My characteristics that I understand can scare people off…

I’m intense and highly verbal in real life…but my present work has *forced* me to learn listening as a specific skillset.   Also, since my emotions have ceased to constantly racket about and drag me wherever they feel like going, there’s a considerable edge off….and of course age mellows many so perhaps that’s part of where-I-am-now, versus where-I-was-then.

One, I know, was frightened by the worst time in my life.

Um well….Even the worst drama queens don’t go *looking* for cancer whilst dealing with the husband’s terminal illness…. but whatever.

That Part Wasn’t My Fault.

(there, that feels better. )

It makes me sad, because I could really use her laughter and lightness about now…and I figure she’d be easier around me since I’ve leveled off some….

And the second friend…I still *consider* a friend because I  have *no* clue why she dropped off the radar.  We were pretty tight from 1998-2004.  From what little I do know she’s tried her wings successfully on a number of fronts, and I truly wish her well.  She doesn’t wish to communicate with me, and that is of course her choice….but I’d like to be able to make amends…or just be happy with her about the positive turns her life has taken.

And there are a couple of people where I’m the one that’s gone missing, one because when we reconnected created some fantasy that I’d be able to move us both back to the Midwest (on my dime of course) , help her get a job when I got one and be around as a roomate to help her as a single mom to raise her kid. I’m an only child and selfish and scared about handing out $$$ to others, since it hasn’t worked well in the past.

And another, simply because  I do not trust myself to  be civil when I speak  with them.

In any of these cases, I just hope they’re ok.

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2 Comments

  1. bridgett said,

    You know….I don’t think it was you, or me. I think it was her. She felt she had to make a decisive break with a past that involved a lot of unpleasant stuff with someone to whom I, at least, still had close ties. I don’t think that I now would overlook a friend getting locked in the closet for most of the weekend as “just playing around,” for example, just because I thought the guy who did the locking up was a fun guy to hang out with. In my handful of regrets, I could kick myself for not being her advocate when I now can look back and suspect that she was covering up a little and that there was a lot more in view that I didn’t want to see.

    In retrospect, it was possibly the first really strong thing she did in her adult life to dump all of us in one fell swoop, despite the sure knowledge that we all would be hugely sad — not to mention that she knew that it was at a time when you particularly needed strength from the outside. As such, I have had to content myself with thinking that I might have been a good step on the way to her taking back her own life and steering herself out of the passivity that wound up making her mother lose her identity and finally her mind.

    Still miss her though.

  2. imfunny2 said,

    You know, it helps to view that cutoff as a strong move on her part, something she did *for* her own well being… perhaps the *first thing* that she did purely for herself…(Guy to hang out with doesn’t count…she thought she was doing it for herself, but as you’ve said there was other stuff going on there.)

    I still think we might see her again, sometime… yep miss her too, but if it was one of those ‘had to do’ things…then yeah.I understand it.

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