My last shot.

January 3, 2009 at 10:21 AM (Uncategorized)

This is the only time I’ll discuss this on the blog, since I hate , hate, hate weightloss journey journals.

It has noting to do with looks.

It has nothing to do with personal worth. I’m clear that regardless of my size, I’m worth respect and hanging out with.

It *does* have to do with how existing impairments are *affected* by my weight. (Notice dumb@ss doctors and diet freaks that I did not say *caused by.* Obesity in and of itself. does not automatically *cause* anything except the ridicule, humilaton, targeting of the obese by the rest of you.)

If you have arthritis, asthma, high blood pressure already *before you get heavy* then yes, it’s quite the exacerbation.

Poor eating habits may put one in the line of fire for Type II diabetes and insulin resistance, and laying off sugar and starches has been known to reverse these things, both in thin and obese persons. That has to do with the liver, the endocrine system and the pancreas.

It’s exacerbated my mobility issues due to the cerebral palsy, my asthma, and my osteoarthritis (which began when I was thirteen and weighed 122) and my existing high blood pressure.

But, this is the last time I’ll try this. The Last Time.

Because breaking a food addiction without supports that address it is as tough as stopping drug use or alchohol use.

And before someone spouts Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers or even Overeaters Anonymous at me, OA’ers never want to sponsor people, and the only ones that show up are the *thin* ones, that somehow have already dealt with it….

And Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig are for people who believe they have fifty pounds or less to lose. That is so far from where I am it’s ridiculous…and I cannot abide the whining of persons who want to ‘lose thirty pounds because they feel so terrible…”

Jesus, shut up.

I’m 5″3′

Based on how my clothes fit I weigh somewhere between 340 and 360. (the precise number, obtained yesterday is 342.)

(Oh, my god, did you see that? The fat person *admitted* how much they weigh on the *Internet!*)

Yeah, I admit it because I truly don’t give a sh!t who knows.

I need to weigh 150 , which given my ability to exercize will take at least a year and a half to do. (I percieve that I want the extra weight at the end in case the cancer returns.)

Starting monday, water, exersize, high potassium food, soy, meat proteins rice and v8 (low salt) for vegetables (vegetables exacerbate my stomach trouble unless i drink ’em.)

So I’ll be busy and irritable. Will not discuss the success or failure of this again in ‘public.’

That’s it.

Oh, and comments will be disabled for this post if the diet freaks come here, or if someone comes to Point and Laugh at the fat person.

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3 Comments

  1. bridgett said,

    Good luck. Write to me if you want to bitch, commiserate, celebrate. I’m engaged in the same process (I’m sitting at 201 after my recent bout with the flu, down from a high of 241) and basically, I think any positive result (one better choice, one better eating day, whatever fitness gain I can eke out) is a victory. I have pretty much tuned out the idea of a long-term goal because the work of getting started and keeping rolling took so much energy that I had to detach myself from getting fixated on a number as the measure of me. Thus, I tend to be focused only on the next thing — the next meal — today, with the resigned realization that if this is to be the last time, then (while it sucks and it’s unfair and wah wah ditty) this isn’t merely a transitional state that gets me from here until I can just go back to ignoring my health and eating anything smaller than my head. Because, well, look where that got me. The long-term goal, for me (and your mileage may vary), suggests that there’s going to be an end to the labor and for me, that’s not the way it’s ever going to be.

    I can recommend Jeanette Fulda’s weight-loss memoir “Half-Assed.” She spent two years losing over two hundred pounds and it’s a surprisingly non-smarmy, non-overcomer, non-self-hating look at the process.

  2. hymes said,

    I’m really glad you are keeping in mind the need not to go too far down in case not just of a return of cancer but some other illnesses also–well kidney failure for sure since people who weigh more live longer with CKD5/end stage renal failure as it is more often known but who wants to say “end stage”? You might also (worry wart here so ignore please) want to get your potassium level checked before you go on a high potassium diet. Ditto with your thyroid with soy.

  3. Book Girl said,

    Arrg! The aging/weight/CP thing is an absolute BUGGER!!! I need to lose weight too – it’s getting harder to get up on my own when I fall (I needed the ambulance service to come out and pick me up a couple of months ago – the first time in thirty years of walking and falling I’ve needed that sort of assistance. :-(((( ), and being tall – 5 foot 10 inches as well as uncoordinated, deadweighted and heavy, makes it so difficult for all concerned.

    I’ve put on a lot of weight since I turned thirty 5 years ago, especially in the last two years with severe knee and foot problems making it harder to get around, and I don’t care, asthetically speaking, but when it jepordises my independence… Oh, shit.

    It makes me very cross and cranky just thinking about it – good luck to both of us!! 🙂

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