Yes, it *does* take that long….

July 20, 2008 at 11:46 AM (Uncategorized) (, , , , )

There’s the thing.  Or several things, it doesn’t matter.  That set of things that you can *do,* but the time you take to do them is foreign and frustrating to that able bodied friend, family member, or relative, or even the paid PCA types.

Some of us just want to go ahead and do the thing, even if it takes us four hours to the able bodied’s two.

But, the able, in their mounting frustration, just won’t allow it.

Their brain is thinking, “My-gods-I could-do-this-quicker-and-she-just-tried-for-a-third-go-round-to pull-the-last-pair-of-trousers-out-of-the-washtub…I’LL JUST *DO* IT!”

And then, just a splash of resentment, not much, because somewhere in their brains this has morphed into something they were *forced* to do….

And when we’re tired ourselves, we may not even do the thing, just ask that someone else do it, and then the level of resentment quadruples, understandably.

One thing that I try to do if I see someone has done for me unasked…make sure I thank them, and admit where it helps.

It has nothing to do with my physical limits then, it’s just (In my opinion) common courtesy to recognize a good thing….


  1. bridgett said,

    This is a phenomenon I totally get as a mother caring for a sort-of-independent but sort-of-not-quite-there-yet kid. I have to be really aware of her limits on any given day (they change, like all of ours do) and be present but not toooooo present. Sometimes even knowing when to be a little absent so she tries beyond what she thought she could do…

    But yeah, I have to fight back the “oh, just GIVEITHEREALREADY!! JESUS!” when her “tries” seem to bleed over into “piddling around lahdeedah” or clamp back on the resentment when the things she knew how to do perfectly well last week are suddenly back on the “Maaaahwm, can you (cut my meat/tie my shoes/fix my ponytails” list. I have been told (repeatedly) that I will miss all these caregiver duties when she matures and that the quality of respectful care I give to her now will be reciprocated later, but I don’t think it really works like that. Instead, I just try to get up in the morning and do the right thing, as it seems right to do at the time, and hope that will be good enough.

  2. imfunny2 said,

    Heh….she’s more capaple more often than most her age, I’d imagine…

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