My list of…

March 2, 2008 at 7:33 PM (Uncategorized) ()

I was going to call it my list of failures, and then I thought, no, my list of changes, and then I thought, f- it they *are* my list of failures and the only thing good about them is that I own them, damnit. On some things I *am* self aware rather than self indulgent, so self aware in fact, that it feels like a basement with a single bright bulb that never goes out, full of messy boxes.

I couldn’t finish my second masters. (Or, find work using my first.)  I mislaid, misplaced or plain had stolen a grey backpack with a bible, and my first lenghthy detailed research notes on the Great Awakening  (I’m unsure if it was the first or second…..it was to be the first piece of a masters thesis) and I just went to my advisor and said “Fcuk it.”  I didn’t see  any way to go back to the beginning and/or pick something else…the stipend was ending, I was about to get married, and I was getting intimations it would be a rough road.

Law School.  Same notation, just alot quicker.

Marriage.   I was unable to reckon that I should just be fine as what they used to call an old maid.  I should have had the strength of will to override love and settle for work.  And, if he wasn’t the wrong person, it was surely the wrong place, time, and convergence of various events past and future to do that.

I didn’t find a way to make my maternal parent mind her own business without moving 1300 miles.  I should have been able to shut out the parts of her communication style that threatened to drive me nuts.  Then, perhaps, I wouldn’t be 1300 miles from the rest of the family, and I wouldn’t have had to reconcile with Mom completely on my own.  (I’m glad I’ve at least managed that.)

I didn’t stay connected to my father’s people well, after he died, and now they’re hurt and mistrustful.   I don’t blame them.

Then there are the things others see as my ‘failures’ which I absolutely have no space in my head to assign the label of ‘faliure’ to

My weight.

Holy Christ.  I’m the same inside person.  Do you like that person?  If *yes* then, not to be rude but STFU.

I used to use crutches but now I can’t.

The foot pain is getting to the point that I use the mute button on the work phone, cry a bit at a sudden sharp moment, and then get back into a customer call.

The walking is done for awhile.  Suck it up.

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An Open Letter on Heathcare

March 2, 2008 at 12:40 PM (Uncategorized) ()

Dear Senator Obama/Clinton

I cannot be convinced that one bureacracy costs more than 50 or so buracracies.And a bone to throw to McCain and the Republicans.

Holding down costs *is* important in two areas that everyone should be able to agree upon Your software *must* be geared to catch accidental duplicate submission, not to mention outright fraud. Look to the private health insurers and hire their fraud people. Otherwise you will spend too much.

“Pre Existing Conditions?”

“Uncessary Tests”

Figure those two terms out and delete them and come up with something better, like a doctor being able to test for what they beleve is appropriate, and to be able to use language to make it clear to any patient when a procedure *is* uncessary without it being due to pressure from corporations.

I’m cool with trying a less expensive med first, if it’s been proven to work, and then *if it doesn’t* no more bs and argument, just prescribe the more expensive version.

No denial of coverage for things an individual religion may abhor. Keep your priest,pastor or rabbi out of my medical file, thanks.

Hire and pay *physicians* to medically review.

Must. Must. Must.

And the kids have to be covered first, and then next the age goes up to 25…and goes down from 6- to 55 and so on…and meets in the middle.

Electronic records, *with appropriate safeguards*

Longterm and home care. Home care incentives

Thank you for your attention.

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