The impetus of blogging…

January 25, 2008 at 8:18 PM (Uncategorized) (, , , )

Someone else writes something, you find it interesting, and you riff on a similar topic, that seems to have no real connection to the first thing, but the first thing *made* you think of the second thing….

So.

I’m not going to drag anymore of the baggage I dragged last week about my parents….but I can speak about my broader family in general…

While they don’t openly express dissapointment in me, and are geniuinely glad to see me…

I can’t get over feeling like the black sheep.

Because they *worry* so much about stuff I can’t let matter too much. *They* see it as concern, and, depending on how it is couched I see it as not accepting me as I am right now.

Emotionally, verbally, quick wittedly, and musically….we’re very very similar.

On both sides.

But *that’s* where the similarities end…

They have “investments”

I have paychecks

They take great joy in mild to extreme exersise.

Mine is very adaptive, very mild, and looks like *nothing* to them.

They are able bodied, financially sucessful… and conventionally good looking and in several cases, even deadly handsome, striking, or gorgeous.

I’m heavyset and in a chair.

They are amazed and sometimes annoyed at my long memory.

I’m amazed at how much independently verifiable stuff they’ve forgotten.

And, we are now, unfortunately (mostly) in opposing political camps…

(We *don’t* fight about politics though, because I utterly refuse to be an impolite guest and stir the pot. I am just unshakable about manners: If you are a guest in someone’s home and they have different positions about issues that are of great concern, I feel it’s a slap in the face or greatly insulting to get into a verbal flame war over the dinner table–and verbal guns blazing is the *only* way I work on these things, so I politely declare that it’s best I don’t express my positions and turn the subject to football, pop culture, or the lives of my cousins. )

(but my stepdad is absolutely unflappable about the family he married into, …quite the Democrat…and watches Olbermann… maybe it’s the German name. He’s a great comfort when he and I get a moment to talk privately.)

They seem to handle life with disturbing amounts of ease: not all the time, for everyone has rough patches….so, I have to fight the comparisons, or the unrealistic expectations that  I hang on myself or they unwittingly hang on me…

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