Being smart=NOTHING.

January 20, 2008 at 7:25 PM (Uncategorized) (, , , )

I’ve been debating the wisdom of making this public all day. I will make as clear as I can to friends who read here that I’m attempting to take the calm rational necessary steps to remedy this and there is nothing happening yet. Can’t be helped. I’m shaking with rage and there’s no place to put it. I haven’t been this angry since I discovered some interesting facts about what someone close to me knew and when he knew it.

I’m trapped in my home. Again. If there was a fire, a flood (surprisingly a common occurence in Rocky Mountain springtimes in a few months,) or a tornado… I couldn’t leave this place quickly no matter what. I would be trapped. I am trapped.

Being smart is nothing. Writing well is nothing. Managing to hang on to a job is *nothing.*
Remember that as you get older and slower. Don’t live alone if you can help it, because circumstances will **** with you no matter what. Don’t sing me songs about inclusion and living in the commuinity tonight because I’d as likely spit at you and curse you out as thank you. Social Model of Disability my ass. Circumstances can make ‘rights’ something as far away as the moon. Just because one elevator is ***ed up.

“I’m not on call.” was the answer the roomate got when she did the stairs for the fourth time today.

And then, because she was tired and angry herself, she crashed and is asleep, which means I cannot crawl out *tonight* which I would have rather done…gotten to a hotel this evening and made sure of making the monday deadline of being to work on time.

I’m afraid of the stairs and of walking on ice which I vowed I would never do again.

But I’m going to do that tomorow morning in the middle of the new cold snap because I cannot afford to piss off my employer.

Monday, tomorow I’ve decided to crawl down the hall at about six forty five ayem and try to lever myself down on my backside, two steep half- flights with a turn in between…can’t walk them. can’t can’t can’t…too steep and too old and to thin and small….I would fall if I walked them….so once I lever myself down I’ll then attempt to stand, and then use the crutches rather than the chair; walking is extremely painful and difficult as well as being something I’m *not supposed to do*, both due to carpal tunnel and the recent mess with my foot.

Why is the *ability to come and go from my home as I please* impossible for two weeks in a row.

Perhaps karma will mean that those forces not ready to make leaving my house simple and direct instead of a humiliating circus freak show, will be *trapped in their homes* one day…and calling me for help.

Sorry… I’m not on call.

Update: Monday  8:38 am.  Still here.  Got no sleep after 1:30 am and my gut is doing a tango…

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4 Comments

  1. bridgett said,

    This more than sucks. I’m sorry. What’s the ETA on getting out of this lease or at least into a ground-level apartment?

    You know me, I would never be a cynic about such things, but are you rent-controlled (or given your long residency, are you paying less than the people around you)? I know that in other places, landlords jack with rent-controlled/long-time residents to get them out so that they can pump up the rent on new tenants. That’s especially going to be the case now with the mortgage crisis and the gas crunch hitting full stride — as people lose their homes, there’s going to be a lot more competition for urban apartments on public transport routes.

  2. imfunny2 said,

    Absolutely, that thing about apartments is happening all over the city. I’m going to have trouble finding a new place, and they know it.

    Still here.

  3. imfunny2 said,

    And I’ve been told there are no ground level apts available…it is not rent controlled.

  4. Attila the Mom said,

    Holy crap! How’s it going now?

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