How Good is Good Enough

September 22, 2007 at 8:27 AM (Uncategorized)

I’ve been gearing up to try to return to work… (the symptoms of the stupid leg are not getting any better, (shouted down a bit with Tramadol)

I’m going to go back Monday but I honestly don’t know how long this is going to last….(since if I’m up for an hour  — an hour!  I feel like I have to go back and elevate it….and now just can’t stand up period.)

More painful tests coming…

And I met the new physician’s assistant this week…and felt *really* pressured about gastric bypass.  I tried to explain that the leg was painful *even when it was not bearing any weight, and *even* when I was horizontal….and that gut troubles mean I’d rather be fat than thinner and subject to the nearly continuous intestinal trouble I’d had for a decade prior to that …. so no bypass for me.  NO.  No Altering of the Intestines.  No NO no.

I’ve come to the point where I might accept the banding, pending further research….it doesn’t *permanently* alter the condition of one’s gut, like the bypass does…

But of course, my insurance only covers the bypass, not the banding….

And given my depression issues *even if I agreed* to the banding and was handed 25k out of the sky to pay for it…that’s one of the findings that often disqualifies the patient

And, how does the banding change addictive behaviours?  Oh, wait, it can’t… it’s a piece of durable medical equipment.

It *doesn’t seem to matter to my body or the doctor’s that I now *have to eat correctly* five days out of seven.  Or I get sick.  And so I *do* eat correctly, five days out of seven.  Which means in the last two years I haven’t gained weight.

I know two people who went through nothing short of miraculous changes…looked and felt wonderful….and then found a way around even the bypass (milkshakes and M&M’s, I gather,) and *gained it back.*  They didn’t *want* to gain it back….

but they did.

And there’s the hideous feeling of having let my co worker’s down….the voicemails will be nasty the desk was a mess, and they’re all going to resent the hell out of me dropping out of sight for two weeks to try to *shut this constant pain down* and find out the reason for it.

And I haven’t even gotten the reason yet.

as my mother used to say…
“Do I have to handle *everything* around here?”

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