When The flavors aren’t balanced…

March 18, 2007 at 6:30 PM (Assumptions) (, )

Note:  The people who think differently about me than I do might very well be right.

I’m high verbal.  I’ve been accused at various times of being too intense, too morbid, narcisscistic, selfish…and my personal favorite that was meant to put me down and I take as a badge of honor: being,  and I quote: “A bitter judgemental bitch…”

If, in my offline life, as well as in my blogging, I’m too *me* centered, it’s because I have a perception that:  When I was young, my father’s alchoholism and my mom’s own self involvement often (not always) eclipsed what I wanted to make clear about my life.

When I was married, cancer and AIDS did the same thing…

I had to figure out my depressive stuff for awhile there, and didn’t have it pinpointed, and that is always rough on the others in one’s life.

I regret that people feel that I take up too much conversational space….But, as I’ve become more self aware about it  I tell people to interrupt me, be direct and use humor to get in their share of stuff…and I make a conscious effort to ask first what’s interesting, new, celebratory or troubling in my friends lives…and any “attention junkie” quality I may possess has as it’s counterbalance the irrational shame that hits me daily if I have trouble “keeping up,” at work.

But I’ll take my corner to clarify some things.

I have no case worker.

I have no parents or paid PCA’s helping me with day to day things.

Having a roomate helps, but they have their life too and it isn’t as if they are formally trained in PCA skills.

Not much time or money for that luxury item, a social life even though I have a job.  Having a job doesn’t necessarily equal a lot of discretionary time.

I’m not easy to be around sometimes.

Never claimed to be.

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