It Can Be Fought

April 23, 2006 at 11:33 AM (Abuse, Assault, Resistance)

discussion of the issues surrounding the Duke rape case made me wonder…why is it so hard to believe that assaults do occur?

A friend of a friend was a victim of sexual assault, physical abuse and breaking and entering…not once but several times. Because of this I told a friend… “I like **** and would like to invite them over….but I have to take responsibility for my own safety…and this nut who is attacking your friend could track them here and do some damage, so your friend cannot come and visit here.”

It was very tough to get a restraining order written, but eventually one was put in place. Prosecutors initially persisted in seeing this as a lovers quarrel gone wrong, not something that needed legal intervention. The friend had a tough time getting law enforcement and prosecutors to believe in these assaults because the assailant and the friend had previously been in a relationship…

In addition it was very difficult for this friend to stick to their guns and stick with the truth when someone they had loved was dragged in front of attorney, trial judges, placed on probation etc.

The assailant threatened this friend’s life in front of witnesses while out on bail, and tracked them to a new home (they had had to leave their old home because the assailant knew where their home, their friequent hangouts, and their place of employment was.)

Since I was quite removed from the events, I could look up advocacy networks, etc send a few emails, and get resource information tailored to this friend’s situation…I passed the information on during a careful, non judgemental rational conversation.

The friend of a friend took this information, and used it, and had a support network of advocates that helped them through charges, arraingment and the jury trial.

The assailaint was convicted on four separate charges….and three good things are happening now…

The first, is that the friend of a friend can get a better nights sleep now.

Symbolically, yesterday, they went kite flying for the first time in their lives, raising a banner in the spring wind.

And the third is, they’ll be by for dinner in a couple of weeks.

It can be fought. And victims can win.

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Doctors Say the Darndest things.

April 23, 2006 at 8:21 AM (Mad Medic Thursdays)

Inspired by a post over at The Gimp Parade, about how the answer to disabled people is more and more likely to be anti-depressants (WTF!!!)

(I take them because part of my smorgasbord of impairments is *chemical depression,* not because I have physical impairments, but because the history of mental ilness among those genetically related to me is…well…significant)

Here are a few gems given to me by my mostly male physicians

1980: “The reason you’re so well adjusted is because you don’t know what you’re missing.”

1991: (Possibly *the* most mind blowingly dumb question I have *ever* heard a physcian ask a patient. I had just been given the news that I had (possibly terminal) Hodgkins Lymphoma on top of everything else, and was taking refuge from my screaming emotions in a rational intellectual examination of the treatment needed and my chances for survival. ) This bugged the doctor so much he said rather archly, “Aren’t you afraid???!!!!”
I said “Of course I’m afraid.”[you clueless attempt at a physician, certainly I’m afraid. I’m freaking for my very existence, I’m terrified, I’m crazed with fear, but I know that allowing that out of my control right now will not give me the information I need to maximize my chances for sucess, so kindly STFU with the irrelevant questions]

and 1996 to 2004 again and again and again.

“You know if you lost weight all of this would go away.”

Cerebral Palsy

Have nothing to do with body size in and of themselves. They exist irrespective of weight.

Carpal Tunnel
Chemical Depression

are made worse by weight, yes, and three of the above Asthma and Osteoperosis are shown to have significant improvement once one is no longer seriously overweight.

Carpal Tunnel and Chemical Depression will be part of my mess no matter what size I am.

And then,

“You don’t have IBS what you need is some counseling.” This selfsame physician’s assistans attitude changed dramatically when I happened to have an attack *in her office*

To her credit she chased down and found the medicine that is allowing me to work right now, but I had been a patient in that office since 1999, and the correct medication didn’t find it’s way to me until 2005.

Doctors don’t want to know what makes us tick anymore than the rest of society does…they don’t have the inclination to discover that qualitiy living can and does exist among those with impairments.

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