Another step in shedding my

March 20, 2006 at 3:28 PM (Uncategorized) ()

“overcomer” skin. Happened in 1991….1992

This will, of course, sound like more whiny useless griping to many.

But it was the moment I realized that a mountain that someone able made, that someone able expected me to ‘climb’ was a huge construct that had nothing to do with me.

I had cancer.

And intermittently continued to work…as best I could.

And went briefly nuts (side effect of chemo: Note to my faithful readers….Don’t let them give you 50mg of prednisone *every day* for nine months running as part of a chemo regimen without telling you the stuff might hit the cerebrospinal fluid, and thence the brain and then the audiovisual hallucinations set up shop for two weeks, and go away as quickly as the end scene in the “Wizard of OZ,” once the medical guys decide (!) to intervene. )

While my husband gradually got sicker

As I gradually had less and less to do with cancer…and that part of my disabilities became officially “cured.” I realized that my friends and family were:

Damn lucky I was alive at all to hang around with. And, if I managed to hold down a job, instead of wrestling with me about how it wasn’t the “right” one, just (at least part of the time!?) keep their own counsel and be glad I *had * it.

And, still later, when I realized that a lot of people were going to stay stuck on what I “ought” to be doing, *to their own detriment* and I certainly wasn’t in line waiting to get dismissed, disrespected, or sad spaniel looks.

They could either groove with me about what still worked, what commonalities still existed after Hodgkin’s lymphoma, and losing my spouse…or not.

And most recently…to enjoy the family and friends that when they criticize, they do so constructively…

and, to be able to let go, from my end, of troubles, and issues with some that are/were close to me that simply will not resolve about differences of opinion about what my life ought to be…

Some have done excellently well at it. Some have cooperated with me in building things we can discuss, even when we come from different universes religiously, politically or socio-economically.

I’ve been pleasantly surprised by some recent (in the past two years) rapprochements.

I still won’t be who they want….but I’ll be about 60 percent of what they want…. Better than the Presiden’t’s approval ratings, hey?

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